Weighty Issues

When we women are not obsessing about our age, we are busy obsessing about our weight. If the word “aunty” hurts, the word “fatty” kills us! Like we are not burdened with enough weighty issues as we grow older, weight itself becomes an issue to some of us. I do watch my weight……………………..increase by the day.

When a man gets fatter, it is deemed as a sign of success. People say, “he must be doing very well for himself” and even congratulate him on looking so well. But if it is a woman, they will say, “lazy woman must be doing nothing that is why she’s becoming a cow” and if you are single and fat, they will say, “Oh poor dear, she must be in depression and must be seeking comfort in food”. What double standards!

Last week I met my college friend and she greeted me with “hey, you have become so fat!” The same friend, when I met her two years back, said that I looked just like I was in college. How much can change in so little a time? Where did all the fat come from?

But last month, when two of my school buds and I jammed up over coffee, I was delighted to hear and see that I have not changed as much as they! They made pears look slimmer! They are single but are doing well, so what does all the excessive fat signify: happiness, or laziness, or depression!

Two contradicting remarks, so does this prove that I am fat or not? Einstein would have agreed with me that being fat is just a theory of relativity. Your being fat or slim depends on your companion. If you are in a company of fat people, you feel you are slim but if you are in a company of those stick insects, you feel like a big bug and wish to be squished. There I have proved my theory!

Now another friend is coming down from the UK next month and I have decided to shed a few grams coz another remark of “fatty” is too much for my weak heart!

I never thought that meeting old friends would turn into a harrowing ordeal. So here’s my tip to others: Always do your homework. Ask your friends to send you their pictures, so you can decide whether you will get busy when they are visiting (if they are on the right side of the scales) or not! But again, if they are smarter than thou, they will most probably send you long-shot picture or some other pic taken during their slim days.

Bond, James Bond, no more!

When you think Bond, you think cars, contraptions, chicks and martinis. Agent 007 has been very woman’s dream and every guy’s envy. Being the quintessential playboy, he drives fancy cars, gets out of every inextricable situation using Q’s latest inventions, makes out with the hottest of the hot babes without promising her the C-word and knows how to dress and act smart to be the cynosure of all eyes!

Ever since Ian Fleming’s spy character made his first celluloid appearance, James Bond has been the most coveted role sought after by the English actors. Starting with Sean Connery to the latest Daniel Craig, the hunt followed by the hype of these Bonds have graced the headlines of many a tabloid!

But the latest Bond—Daniel Craig—is breaking from the Bond mould. The once playboy Bond is shown to be to more humane in the latest flick, “Quantum of Solace”. Hungry to avenge the death of his girlfriend, Vesper, Bond sets off on a mission disobeying M’s orders and killing everyone who comes in his way. The metamorphosis of Bond from a no-strings-attached-type to a faithful boyfriend comes as a welcome surprise to the fans! A man who uses his charm only to seek favors does not even fake a smile in this movie. All he wants is his revenge, inspite of believing that Vesper betrayed him, and he is out to exact it. On the way he helps Olga exact her revenge, but unlike Bond does not use her.

Gone are the corny dialogues “I am Bond, James Bond” and ordering for a martini “shaken not stirred”. This Bond is refreshing and a treat to the fans!

The latest Bond girl also breaks from her stereotype. Of course she is sexy and smart, but she does not reveal her oomph in low-cut evening gowns and instead sports a don’t-give-shit-to-appearances kind of look. Bearing an uncanny resemblance to Catherine Zeta Jones, Olga Kurylenko, sets the screen on fire with her sultriness and stunts. Bond’s women have previously been used only arm candies, but this lady dares without baring!

Turning 30

I had always treated age as a number (as long as the crow’s feet and the wrinkles did not show). But this was before I turned 30. The day I did turn the landmark figure of three-oh, I inadvertently started acting like Joey in the sitcom FRIENDS yelling “Why God me?” as if God had put a curse on me and turning older was a sin! Despite the preparation I was making to embrace my age gracefully, my birthday hardly turned out be a joyous or a memorable affair!

I had decided to stay at home that day as I have always shunned the greetings from complete strangers (even when I was younger) to spend that day only with the family. (In my 30 years, I have failed to find a reason why others fuss over your birthday and the plans to celebrate the B-day! ). So there I was in my night clothes slumped over the couch watching TV and having all my meals in front of the idiot box while maintaining my reticence with the ones who were doting on me for after all it was MY SPECIAL DAY.

I was praying that no one would remember my birthday and call to add to my misery (but I assure you that if they hadn’t called, I would have given them hell) but they did call (good for them). My “best friend” from school called to remind me yet again that I was older and still single. I reminded her that she was married and still unhappy.

As the day wore on, the plumber, who was to have come the previous day, chose “my special day” to fix our leaking roof. The blare from the TV coupled with the incessant chiseling and hammering were enough to trigger my fraught nerves and cause the flood gates to open. I asked (no actually I ordered) my dad to ask the plumber to come the next day but my dad was helpless as it is quite difficult to get these guys when you really need them. So when that was ruled out, I decided that my nerves needed peace and quite, so I stomped out of the house (changing out my night clothes before that) without telling my folks where I was going.

So I went to this big park near my place intending to soothe my nerves. But it wasn’t to be, for as soon as I sat down on a bench, my flood gates reopened and I began to cry shamelessly thinking of how ancient I am and how little I had accomplished and all that crap! Just then the damn phone rang and it was yet another “best friend” from college calling to wish. In between the sobs, I did manage to say a hurried “thanks for remembering” and rang off. I prayed that she was the last to call, but the phone buzzed again. This time it was my darling sis asking me my whereabouts (it so happened that my folks got worried when I left my place like that and they had called her to track me) where I was and what flavor of cake I prefer. The last thing I needed was a cake to rub it in, so continuing in the irate mood in which I left home, I told her that there will be blood if there was a cake (actually I was more polite. This expression was just for drama).

Later as the park filled up, my anger began to abate and I called my best friend (notice there are no quotes) and recounted everything that happened and we laughed about the foolishness and the inanity of my actions. All of a sudden I was back to normal and I felt terrible about how I behaved with my loved ones. I went home, patched up with my folks (thankfully our roof also was patched up by then) and I sent by dad to buy a cake.

As the night fell, I was glad that the most horrid day of my life was spent and prayed to God that the next year, there is less hysteria and lesser histrionics from my end. Till I turn 40, age is just a number J

Movie Bug

Well, well, it’s been eons since I last blogged. So what I have been busy with this year, which by the way is already nearing its end??? A bit of reading and a whole loadsa movies. My reading count his at a dismal 56 while my movie count must be a little over 100. What’s great is I have finished watching 60% of the top 100 movies listed on ImDB, so that’s quite a fete though I say so myself.

Here’s the list I watched:

Three Colors: Blue, White, Red

Mr. Brooks

City of God

There will be Blood

Europa Europa

Cinderella Man

Amores Perros

American History X

To Sir with Love

Brazil

Full House (Series)

Bicycle Thief

Sayanora

Born into Brothel

The Kingdom

American Gangster

Lola

Mystic River

21 Grams

Rainman

Memento

Fried Green Tomatoes

The Lives of Others

9 to 5

Indian Jones and the crystal skull

Sex and the City

Sunset Boulevard

Taxi Driver

Seven Samurais

Singing in the Rain

Raging Bull

The Usual Suspects

Requiem for a Dream

Cocktail

Circle (World Movies)

Leon (World Movies)

Cold Trail (World Movies)

Goodfellas

The Incredibles

The Breakfast Club

Subway (World Movies)

The Dark Knight

A Fish Called Wanda

MASH

Ratatouille

A Streetcar named Desire

An Officer and a Gentleman

Drillbit Taylor

History of the World

Last Boy Scout

Over the Hedge

Last Tango in Paris

L'appartement

Mad Max

Mad Max 2: The Road Warrior

Annie Hall

But the movies that I recommend most are City of God, There Will be Blood, Fried Green Tomatoes, Leon, Amores Perros, and of course The Lives of Others.